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Communication Tips In Marriage

This happens to the many of us at any time.  Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred ever so often, especially when love and feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. My spouse told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I automatically lashed back in defense.

It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of perfume. But to me, it represented something much deeper that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be, worse still when I am aware when the object I lefy has been moved and it’s hard for me to locate or know where to start searching.

Tupperware container for my baking, needles and thread, car keys, perfumes, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my spouse when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

I was gutted. When I come home from work I cook dinner so that it is on the table at the right time when everybody gets home. I like to make effort to tidy the house, especially my kitchen because I like to come home to a clean and tidy environment.
I see this as a fundamental part of my role when Iget bank from work, and in the house, it takes a lot of my time. To simply imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” would really hurt.

Although I don’t expect praise, but I would hope that my efforts were recognized. Very we got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night.” That was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and will hurt me even more.

Where do we go from here? My spouse felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, where I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make my spouse feel guilty, but it seems that way. And this is where the communication breaks down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I needed my spouse to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions.

Just because something isn’t spoken about, doesn’t mean it’s not important. A relationship or marriage is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice. Mind you I personally do not advocate third party intervention at any small thing. The fact that the two people should be capable to open line of communicate at any time. I am very good at that, but feel frustrated when the other person will not respond.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts’

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